Sunday, September 25, 2011

Wow...That Made Everything Okay

I was presented with some pretty devastating news this week.  What I learned from it was that I am in fact an emotional eater.  I never wanted to admit this before.  I didn't think that my weight gain was related to emotional eating.  I thought that I was just eating too much for no reason at all.  It occurred to me, as I started to face this difficult situation, and couldn't seem to satisfy my appetite, that perhaps I am in fact one of the millions of people that eat for some emotional fullness.  In the midst of this situation, I sat down for lunch.  As I took the first bite of a really unhealthy meal, all of the sudden, it all slipped away for one brief moment.  I felt like the drug addict right as he sticks the needle in his arm.  Everything else faded from sight in that instant.  As I continued to eat over the last four days, I realized at each turn that it wasn't because I was psychically hungry.  Instead, the emotional void that I needed to fill was urging me to eat.  I would love to say that the realization of this allowed me to make better, more rational choices about my food.  However, I gave into the urge and ate.  I think that this is an important realization though.  While I wasn't able to control my impulses in the moment, I think that as I move forward, I can once again make choices that help me feel better over the long term.  The instant satisfaction of junky food quickly fades into an overall malaise that accompanies it.  The long term well-being that I feel when I make good choices about my food consumption must overtake the momentary relief that bad food can provide.  I do want to thank those around me these last few days (you know who you are) for knocking me over the head sometimes when I was spiraling out of control!  You're the BEST!

Monday, August 22, 2011

The Dog Days of Summer

As my summer comes to an end and the daily grind begins, I felt like it was time to share a few words of reflection on how the dog days of summer went!  Having not spent one summer completely free of work in decades, I made the most of having all the time in the world.  I think, though, that I was busier every day this summer than I am when I'm working full time.  What adventures we had!  State parks galore, California, Pennsylvania, camping, beach lounging, you name it, we probably did it!  And then there was waking up late and drinking coffee until the kids woke up.  The best part of the whole summer though, was hearing my 2 year old wake up in the morning, walk down the stairs, see me and say, "What we doing today, mama?"

I tell you this, because it occurred to me about half way through the summer fun, that having so much fun wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't gotten healthier.  The old me would have sent the kids to daycare or camp and I would have hung around the house or did some lazy errands on my own.  It's only with my renewed sense of well-being that I've been able to enjoy what it means to spend time engaged with my family and to be an energized example to my children.  The weight-loss process has brought me a renewed sense of commitment to my family and their well-being.

So, as the school-year begins and day-to-day takes hold, I am thankful for the fun times had this summer and look forward to this year with anticipation and excitement as I continue on my journey and put these summer days behind me!  Forward I go with healthy choices and the confidence to continue losing weight!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

You Can't Stop the Waves, but You Can Learn How to Surf

As I've been stalled out at about 40 pounds down, I've had time to think about what this process has been like.  Thankfully, this plateau has come at a time when I'm way too far into the journey to even think about turning back.  However, it has given me a chance to really work through what the whole thing means.

I took my kids hiking earlier this week.  We went to Calvert Cliffs State Park.  We  ate a picnic lunch at this awesome recycled tire playground and then, in order to get to the cool part of the park, you have to hike for about two miles to get out there (unless of course you get on the wrong trail and add another mile or so to your walk, which we did).  The thing is, I have a two year old.  He didn't eat his lunch (the playground was much too fun to stop and eat) and he hadn't taken his afternoon nap.  So, about a half mile into the hike, he's tired and hungry (although not annoyingly miserable - somehow when they're that little they know it's more fun to stay positive even when you're tired).  As I carried him on my shoulders (and on my back and in front) and as I developed a whole new appreciation for mama monkeys, I had a few thoughts.  He's only 31 pounds.  I used to carry around 43 extra pounds, what a little 31 pound monkey compared to that!  Granted they weren't in a wiggly little body on top of my shoulders, but they also weren't a bundle of fun and silly little jokes like he is either!  It also occurred to me that I had NEVER taken my kids hiking.  We never used to do anything really fun and outdoorsy.  I was always too tired or just didn't want to do it, or I made excuses about something being too expensive (Side note: state parks and picnics are the cheapest way you'll ever spend a day).  Boy, I didn't know what I was missing!  Hanging out with my two favorite people in the woods, looking for fossils at the beach and just enjoying the journey with two sets of fresh little eyes was all worth it!

That's the point of this journey though.  It's not just about losing weight or gaining muscle.  It's not the destination, it's what you do on your way there.  A year and a half ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of taking a two year old hiking.  Not in a million years!  Now I've discovered that while it's a little more difficult, it's so much more rewarding than dropping him off at the babysitter.  Spending time with my kids on an adventure makes the journey so much more rewarding.  They're able to see that I've become a different person;  a person that enjoys being with them and doing fun things.

On another note,  I recently won a contest!!!  YAY!!!  It was the Smartest Loser Contest sponsored by the local newspaper.  My best buds, friends, coworkers and probably some of their friends voted for me in this contest.  The prize, besides just the satisfaction of having won, is a $500.00 spa day at About Faces Day Spa and Salon.  Yesterday I got my picture taken for the Annapolis Style Magazine   (go to the last page) and next week, I'll get to cash in my prize!  I'm so excited.  I think in my whole life I've never spent $500.00 in beauty treatments.  Well, maybe combined over the last 32 years I have, but probably not in the last 10!

This is just one more example of how it's about the journey, not the destination.  I've still not reached my final weight loss goal, but I'm working at it.  This prize is just a little encouragement along the way!  I'll get there, maybe I'll get there by the end of the year, maybe by the end of next year.  But the idea is, the years come and go, and I'll continue to get older, so I might as well make the best of the ride!  I'll turn 40 and 50 anyway, so I might as well reach those milestones a little smaller! 

So, as I'm wrapping up the 90 day challenge at the gym, I've been doing some reflecting on the gym process.  It has been so amazing to get into this fitness routine.  I feel like a different person compared to when I started in January.  While I didn't reach my weight loss goal (I had a goal of 18 pounds lost by the end of the 90 days, which averages to about 1.5 pounds per week) the change has been more than about pounds.  I discovered that I am capable of committing to going to the gym four times per week.  I can do yoga and spinning classes and I feel stronger and healthier than ever.  At our final lecture in the program, we talked about the next steps in a healthy lifestyle and how it's important to make the journey the important thing.  I can't guarantee that when I lose all of this weight that my life will be perfect.  I can't guarantee that my finances will be secure and that my family's and my own health will be great, but what I can control, at least a little bit, is the present.  All that I am guaranteed is this moment, and I will make the best of it.  I will take what comes my way, and instead of trying to stop the waves, I will learn how to surf!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Alas! The Day Has Arrived!

After months of losing and gaining and losing the same 5 pounds, I have finally reached both my 40 pound mark and my 20% weight loss!!!  I am SOOOOO thrilled!  The even better part is that I recently lifted a forty pound weight at the gym and it was HEAVY!!!!  I'm so glad I'm not schlepping those 40  pounds around with me!  What a thrill!  I think the weight should come off a little easier now that I'm not stressing over reaching those milestones.  The same thing happened when I was approaching the 25 pound mark.  It took me weeks to get there, but once I did, I was able to lose a little faster after that.

Another exciting little thing that's been going on is my nine-year-old daughter has started to take control of her health too.  We've consulted with a nutritionist about her health and she's started tracking what she eats and is taking suggestions for healthier snacks and meals.  Generally she's looking to make healthier choices.  I'm so proud of this step she's decided to take and I look forward to going on this journey with her! 

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Power of Air

To think I almost skipped yoga today to stay home and watch television!  Today was not the day to skip.  I'm so glad I got my lazy butt up and finally went!  I had the most amazing practice today and finally have come to realize the power of breathing.  You see, (and for those of you who actually know about yoga, please excuse my pathetic explanations) yoga focuses a lot, and I mean, a lot on breathing.  There's this special breath that you do (insert Hindi word here) where you take air into your body and expand your stomach area and then when you're exhaling, you push your naval back toward your spine.  Welll...turns out that if you maintain your breathing like this for the length of the practice everything becomes a lot easier and the positions are more manageable and it gives you almost superhuman strength!  I mean, it was super intense today and so thoroughly and completely invigorating! 

Besides fully appreciating the breathing component I continue to stand in awe at the instructor who manages to not only make the classes fun and energizing, but she also somehow makes it so that I feel like I'm engaged in this hour long dance class that allows me to flow so seamlessly from one move to the next.  It's like each position goes so effortlessly into the next.  Another class I recently took felt more like the positions were independent of one another making it seem sort of stilted and awkward.  Today wasn't like that though.  Today I felt like a tree swaying its branches in the wind; a lovely dancer with a flowing dress! 

Ah...I think I've said enough!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Aha! And Other Moments of Insight!

I think I've finally figured it out!  Today I went to a work session and did some serious running, sprinting, and interval stuff...I think that's what I did anyway, I'm not so in touch with all of this fitness lingo...and it's starting to become clear.  I think the weight loss has been stalled because I've been doing activities that are more toning and not so fat burning.  The things that I have done that are more fat burning, like running and spinning/cycling, I've not done to the point where I've had to push myself and really get my heart rate up.  I've been going through the motions, but not actually making it so that I can't breathe when I'm done.  Not that I suggest asphyxiation, but having to stop and catch your breath might be worth something.  It's a lot harder too, these exercises.  It really requires more will-power to actually force yourself into a position of making it hard to breathe.  Kind of goes against my natural instincts of wanting live, but whatever.

On another note, I'm so proud of my Weight Watcher buddies.  One of them just made her 5% weight loss (in TWO WEEKS!!!!)   and the other, not sure if she's made any milestones, but she's well into the plan and down I think about 13 pounds!  AWESOME!  I love having other people to talk with about the program and am forever encouraged by their progress and their suggestions.

At the WW meeting this week, we talked about the four pillars (or something like that) about the new WW program.  One of them is "treat yourself".  Just a word about that...WW and any other program shouldn't be about deprivation, but rather about finding balance in your life.  If you can't enjoy a little cookie here or there, or a taste of ice cream then you're setting yourself up for failure.  What is key, is that when you do treat yourself, that you eat something that is really worth eating.  The other day, I had a little bit of ice cream.  I started to eat it and discovered that I wasn't really enjoying it.  Instead of forging ahead and finishing what I had served myself, i chose to throw the rest away.  It really wasn't worth the points that I was going to have to spend to finish it.  The taste was good and got me through wanting to have it, but that was all I needed.  Treat yourself in moderation.

Friday, March 4, 2011

No Excuses!

Okay, so I'm taking requests.  Today's topic is "no excuses". For a few weeks now, I've been asked to write about making excuses, or rather, not making excuses.  Well, I've stopped making excuses and now I'm writing about it!  Finally! 
As you've been reading, I've been doing this 90 day fitness challenge and haven't really been losing weight.  The first week or two I was blaming it on building muscle or retaining water.  As the weeks pass and the weight isn't coming off, I've been forced to reevaluate and think that maybe, just maybe, I'm not really putting in all the effort I should with my food choices.  The working out has been regular and strenuous, but I think my eating needs to change back to what I had been doing.  The excuses of water and muscle need to be forgotten.  Getting back to basics is what is called for.  The program is simple, you lose weight when you burn more calories than you take in.  I must not be burning what I'm putting in! 
This week was another sad weigh in.  I gained 2 pounds again this week!  I figured I hadn't lost, but I really hadn't expected to have gained 2 pounds.  What a disappointment!  I'm SOOO close to my 40 pounds down, that I can almost taste it (so to speak) and I just can't seem to get there!  I'm convinced though, that I'll get there.  I've refocused my meals and eating habits and I think this will be the week.  I can feel it!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Headed Back Down

Okay friends, it's been a few weeks and the weight loss has STALLED OUT!  No worries though, after gaining 3 pounds since the working out started, I'm on my way back down.  I've lost the three pounds I put on and think I'm heading in the right direction again!  Thankfully!

As my body has started growing accustomed to physical movement and my muscles have stopped screaming out in pain, I feel like I'm really starting to feel significant benefits from working out.  I feel stronger and more energized.  Sometimes I'll be watching TV and think to myself how good I'm feeling and that maybe I should get off the bed and get some exercise in.  It's made such a hugely positive impact on my day to day focus. 

Today I'm feeling headachy, and remembering that I used to feel this way at least twice a week.  Since losing weight and treating my body better in general, it's now a rarity to feel so bad.  I'm thankful to have my life under control in this way.  I wish my head didn't hurt right now, but what a great feeling to know that instead of living in constant dread of migraines and headaches, I can live knowing that these are things that will come on occasion, but I don't have to live in fear that they'll plague me! 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

My Own Personal Work-Out Machine

As I went to my second Yoga class today, I had two epiphanies.  The first one was this:  Yoga is Brilliant!  I think so because of the genius way in which it uses your own body and muscles and weight to work yourself out.  I mean these "planks" and "downward dogs" are really just using your body as weight to exercise itself!  That's brilliant!  So, I guess I'm wondering why if I have my own work-out machine, am I going to the gym?  Just something to think about.

Also...I'm wondering, what, exactly is the distinction between meditation and sleeping?!?!?!  I felt like I got into this nice meditative state today at the end of the session, but then I wondered if in fact I was just dozing off.  I'm not really sure about this.

Anyway, I'm back to strength training tomorrow and I'm sure some sore muscles!  I'll keep you posted.

Monday, February 7, 2011


Okay, so it's been a whole week (8 days actually) since the 90-day challenge started and all I've seen are gains on the scale.  I know, I know...muscle weighs more than fat, water, blah blah blah...well, I think it's about time that the scale shows a decline!  URGH!

On another note, I took a yoga class last night.  That was SO invigorating.  I didn't actually anticipate enjoying the class, but it was very relaxing and very physically demanding at the same time.  What a pleasant surprise!

Today was step-aerobics.  Turns out I'm not a very quick learner.  I had trouble keeping up with the steps, but I sure did sweat a lot, so I suppose that's all that really matters.

Onward I go, although a little discouraged today. 

Friday, February 4, 2011

One Full Week

This was my first full week of the 90-day challenge!  It was tough and I spent three or four days in a lot of pain.  Good pain though!  I feel energized by all the exercise and as soon as my body adjusts to being forced a lot, I think I'll really start to like the challenge.  The sad part though, was that although I was very good with my Weight Watchers points counting, I didn't actually lose any weight.  Instead, I gained 1.4 pounds.  I'm going with the rationale that it had to do with the fact that muscles retain water when you first start working them out.  That, and the fact that muscle weighs more than fat!  That's what I'm going with, at least!  Today was the Black Team challenge of the week.  I got to meet a lot of my Black Team members and got a circuit-like workout.  It was really fun and I feel well worked out!  Overall, it's been a good week, and I look forward to making it to my 40 pound weight loss goal this Wednesday!

Monday, January 31, 2011


Okay, so I just got my BUTT KICKED at some cardio-strength training blah blah blah class!  That was so intense.  I have muscles hurting that I didn't even know existed!  I know that's very cliche, but wow, is it true!  This is the first class I've taken at the gym since the start of the challenge, and I can't even articulate how energized and yet physically drained I am.  It's a good feeling, but I guess they call it a 90 day challenge because it's really, really hard.  After tonight, I have a whole new appreciation for my "friends" on The Biggest Loser.  Feeling what I feel now, and thinking that they are at it for hours at a time and that they have a lot more body to move around than I do, my hat goes off to them.  So, thankful that I'm being held accountable to my black team at the 90 day challenge, I move forward from here, albeit a little more slowly and gingerly!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Gym!

The 90-day Fitness Challenge has begun!  I'm facing this new challenge with a mixed sense of excitement and dread.  I know this exactly what I need to continue losing weight, but the thought of getting to the gym at least three times each week is somewhat daunting.  Not only will there be the physical challenge on my body, but making the time to go will be a challenge too.  Physically and emotionally I feel better than I ever have.  My body feels in better shape than any point in the last ten years and I have the confidence that had slowly faded away over the years.  So I will face this challenge with the assurance that I will not only get through it, but excel. 

I went to the gym today and the strain on my muscles is already evident.  It's that good feeling that you get when you do something hard and get through it.  I'm excited to continue and I'm sure that I'll reap the benefits of weight loss and continued mental health!

Part of the challenge is setting health related goals.  We are encouraged to set several in different areas of our lives.  I'll share two of the goals I have set for myself here.  My goal is, over the next 12 weeks to lose 18 pounds.  That is about 1.5 pounds per week.  On Weight Watchers alone, that is an adequate goal per week.  Hopefully, as my body adjusts to the change from inactivity to activity, I can sustain that kind of weight loss.  In addition to this, I hope to run, not walk/run, a 5K.  I think with improved stamina and endurance, this is a very attainable goal.

So the challenge ends in May.  I will continue to post on my progress in weight loss and training. 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

No Luck!

Well, I didn't make my 40 pound mark this week!  URGH!  In fact, I now have 2 pounds to lose to reach my 40 pounds!  So frustrating!  Alas, all I can do is move forward from here.  I'm not going to change deviate after I've come so far.  Just one more hurdle in the race.  Onward I go!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

1.6 X 3

I decided to change my weigh-in day this week.  I had been going on Wednesdays, but due to scheduling and general boredom with the Wednesday meeting, I thought I'd spice things up a little and move to a different meeting.  Tuesday's meeting was fine, but what I discovered, is that even though I didn't think so, I realized that I've made WW buddies at my Wednesday meeting.  Since I didn't have my usual suspects there, I felt like I was missing out on some of their insight into the program.  One of the ladies that goes to the Wednesday meeting just recently became a "lifetimer"after losing over 100 pounds and her suggestions for recipes (usually involving some usage of pumpkin) are really very helpful (and tasty).  It occurred to me as I sat through this new meeting just how important the support of the meetings is.  While I only see these people once a week, they become an important part of helping me get through the program.  And strangely enough, I was starting to have guilt thinking about them meeting tomorrow and me not being there!  Like I'm a traitor! 

So, what does this have to do with 1.6 X 3?  Well, this is the third week in a row that I've lost 1.6 pounds at my weekly weigh-ins.  I'm starting to wonder if the scales are messed up and only measure that amount when they sense my feet on them!  While I'm glad the scale is moving in the right direction after so many weeks over the holidays going the wrong way, I'm praying that next week I can get at least a 1.8 on the scale!  If I make it to 1.8 I will have reached 40 pounds lost!  That's like a medium-sized dog!  Can you imagine?  From today, if I lose 4 more pounds, I'll have reached 20% weight loss of my original weight!  I'm setting a goal to have those four pounds gone by February 1st.  Weight Watchers always stresses using short term goals to help reach ultimate weight loss success.  I plan to move forward with this two week plan of four pounds down!

I'll keep you posted!

Monday, January 17, 2011

My Pants

Today is Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday which meant I spent the day at home with my two kids.  Usually I enjoy days like this as I have a chance to hang out with my two favorite people and I don't have to worry about getting them off to some place.  Things started off really well.  After a leisurely morning, I took my eight-year old daughter bike-riding at a state park at the bay near our house in sub-arctic temperatures.  It was much more fun than it sounds, believe me.  It gave me a chance to try out my new bike (which, incidentally I got for free from my rewards points from my credit cards, but that's a story for another time) and to jump start my seriously lacking workout routine.  In about two weeks, I'll be starting a 90 day fitness challenge, so I'm trying to get myself in gear before the fun begins!  Anyway, I took her biking while the two year old spent the afternoon with his grandmother.  This meant that he missed his nap.  That's where things got a little hairy!  Because he was overly tired, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING PISSED HIM OFF!!!  He wanted toys in his bath, BUT NOT THOSE TOYS!  He wanted to get out of the tub, BUT NOT YET!  He wanted to get wrapped up in a cozy blanket, BUT WITHOUT A DIAPER!  He was hungry, BUT DIDN'T WANT FOOD!  You get it I suppose! 

So...what does this have to do with my pants?  Well, nothing really.  I just wanted to set the stage of my psyche when I tell about this next really cool part.  After the little terror finally fell asleep in my bed (at 7:30, which might turn into a nightmare later tonight), or should I say fought off sleep as long as humanely possible because of course HE WASN'T TIRED, I carried him to his bed.  As I walked down the stairs, I felt my pants start to slip down onto my hips.  I grabbed them and started to pull them up to their normal position, and then had a thought...what would happen if I let them fall, and then maybe helped them down a little, but without unbuttoning them, of course???  Well, guess what!  I was able to pull these pants off my big butt without undoing them!!!!  While this, in and of itself, is pretty freaking awesome, the even better part is that this is the third size that I've shrunk out of!!!  Since I started my "lifestyle change" last year, I've left behind sizes 18 (and if I'm really honest, probably size 20 too), 16 and it finally looks like size 14 is on its way out the door!!! 

As I walked down the stairs and saw my husband watching TV on the couch, I told him to look over to me.  As I pulled my pants down without unbuttoning them, I saw a little (and I mean little) grin move across his face.  He's not one to show his emotions very easily.  If you know Nino, you know that satisfaction is hard to come by.  That brief moment of happiness MADE MY DAY! 
All said and done, today, as most days are, was one of ups and downs.  At least one of the downs was shrinking out of too-big pants!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Challenge: How to make vegetables taste good!

One of the stand-by recipes from Weight Watchers is a 0-point vegetable soup.  My twist on this favorite is sure to create a party in your mouth!
Today's variety included the following:
  • One yellow onion diced and sauteed
  • 2 green squash cubed (they probably have another name, but I don't know it)
  • 2 yellow squash cubed (same as above)
  • 2 eggplants cubed
  • 1/2 head of cabbage cut up
  • 1 small can of tomato paste
  • 2 cans of diced tomato
  • 1 can of fat free chicken broth
  • red pepper flakes to taste
  • oregano to taste
  • a couple of cloves of garlic
  • basil to taste
  • brussell sprouts sliced up/cut/diced/whatever (I don't usually have brussell sprouts but I was feeling adventurous and bought them and before they went bad in the fridge I decided to add these to the mix)
  • enough water to cover everything up
  • let everything cook down until all of your veggies are soft and delicious
This is a great soup to make in quantities.  You can keep it for a few days in the fridge.  I take left overs to work usually for the whole week.  Also, I've heard of people that freeze it in ziploc bags and thaw out individual servings.  Also, a very nice idea.


A Breakthrough

Now that I've gotten myself back on track after the holidays, I'm happy to report that I've lost 1.6 pounds each of the last 2 weeks!  What a good feeling to get back to losing again!  That makes 36.6 pounds as of last year!

Since I started Weight Watchers last year, I've encouraged all of my friends and family that struggle with food to think about joining.  Mostly, I've done this selfishly because I want more people that I can talk to about WW.  Plus, I know that I've learned so much from this program and my health and general well-being has been so much improved that I want to share that with as many people as will listen.  This week, my heart skipped a beat, when two, not one, but two, of my friends told me that had or were joining Weight Watchers!  I can't wait to hear how their journeys begin and continue.  I know that the beginning can be so difficult after years of eating anything, but the thing that kept me going in those early days, was that I needed to make a change if I was going to make a change.  Weight wouldn't melt off if I didn't consciously improved my habits.  Knowing that, I also held tight to the idea that habits take 30 days to establish.  I've heard (don't know if it's true) that if you can start a routine and keep it up for at least a month then you've made it a habit, for good or bad!  This was the case for me.  Once I learned the program and really bought into it, about month in, I was able to move with more confidence in making decisions about my eating.  So friends, you know who you are, I encourage you to hold steadfast to your commitment to your health.  I am sure that you'll find the effort to be well worth it! 

Having said that, I am excited to report that I will be starting a 90-day fitness challenge at the gym around the corner from my house!  I don't know exactly what I've gotten myself into, but I'm thinking it's sort of a local Biggest Loser contest (without having to get voted off!).  I can't wait to start.  While I have improved my eating habits, I must admit that I haven't found the exercise routine quite as easy to establish!  I'm hoping that this challenge and being held accountable by a group of people will get me on the path I need to go!

So, as I aim toward new adventures, I wish my friends and family all the best in starting a journey of their own!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

One Year Ago

Today is my one year annivesary of joining Weight Watchers.  Today I renew my committment to the program and myself.  I made the committment last year to lose weight and for once, I have followed through with my New Year's Resolution.  2010 was the year.  I'm not quite there, but I'm on my way!  I'm so thrilled that I have finally been true to myself and started to take care of me! 

So today, one year from the beginning of my journey, I am on my way!  I am about 33 pounds lighter today than I was 365 days ago.  I am healthier, stronger and more sure of myself than I have ever been.  While I still struggle on a day to day basis, I know that I am capable of losing weight and controlling what goes into my body.  I know that I'm the only one who cares enough about me to make sure that I am well.  My journey continues into 2011 and I am proud to move forward.